Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Suddenly, this phrase feels a little scary.

A new year, a new season, a new beginning, a new journey — yet somehow, not quite what I had envisioned.

It has been a while since I last wrote. What used to be a weekly, then monthly rhythm slowly faded, until I hardly write at all. I even thought of closing this blog. But it seems God has other plans.

Maybe this is why.

The people I spoke to said it might be a good thing. Logically, I understand what they mean. Emotionally, I can’t quite follow, or comprehend it yet.

It feels like a breakup — not dramatic, not loud — but painful all the same. Pain is the only word I can find.

I keep asking myself: What was it that I didn’t know, didn’t learn, didn’t see coming?

A friend said, “It’s the price of growing up — 成长的代价.”

I paused at that.

It is a painful price to pay, growing up this way.